6 months!

Well today is the six month mark of my Paraguay experience. I look back and try to reflect on all that has happened in these past six months and I just have the same reaction in my head is ¨how has it already been six months?¨ I am slightly shell shocked. Though I do look back on when I was boarding my plane, saying good bye to my friends and family knowing that when I saw them again in a year that nothing would be the same. I remember having no idea what I was walking into then; walking into my first host families house, crying for five hours the first night just wondering what I had done.

                It all seems so close but so far away. I do not know if it is far away because I have become so much less attached to the memories or if it because I have become some much more attached to the new ones. After seeing that these past months have gone by I know the others ones to come will be challenging, but go so much faster than the beginning ones did.

                It is really perplexing to me how much I have changed over these past few months and also how I have gained a lot more insight on the people here. Though it is hard to see some of the things on my own my friends and father have helped me see a lot how I have. Some of the things that have changed about me are that I have learned to let go. I have learned to see how holding on to something’s, whether it be people, feelings or memories, needs to have an expiration date on the hurt or sadness it causes me. I have become able to let go of some of the things or people that were holding me back from being happy in the past. However, that is not to say that I have not also grown in the way of how I believe more than ever, that people need to be held accountable for what they do. I am not sure what promoted this change the most. It could have been the extreme corruption that is overtaking Paraguay. Or maybe it is the fact that the people of this country just sit by and watch. It makes me infuriated, therefore I am stronger in the opinion that all people need to own what they do. And no matter how hard it is to admit they were wrong or made a mistake they need to own their actions and face the repercussions. Or maybe owning what they have done could change the future of those two people or the country. Actions define character and sometimes a person does not do what is right. Wheatear it is for their country or for their family they must back track and sand over the splinters; if not they will be there bothering everyone and one day someone will step on them causing more pain that could have been prevented. But, the person needs to continue sanding over the patch, not just leave them again because people do not trust words they trust actions.

                Another thing I have realized about myself that is not very positive is that I have somewhat lost the path of studies I wanted to follow. Before I came here I was sure I wanted to study environmental issues and cultural aspects of those issues. The more time I am here the more I lose hope in people when it comes to the environment. Which is extremely ironic considering I am from the United States; I do know the U.S.A. is the highest consuming country in the world. However I AM AWARE OF IT, as are most of the people. And though our country could be doing a hell of a lot more to help our impact we are attempting. Paraguay however is useless. I would honestly say approximately 1% of the population is aware of the environmental deviation they are creating. And I am almost sure about 0% gives a damn. I have also learned that even more than ever I love and live by the words by Gandhi when he said ¨Be the change you want to see in the world.¨ though I try to live by those words. Paraguayans have never heard of them. They simply think, ¨What difference is it going to make if I only change my ways… therefore I should not change anything and just fit in.¨ another thing that I cannot get over is the thing they cannot seem to get over. Paraguay has a very intense history. They have had a very tough and oppressive upbringing. I understand this is very hard however; the people cannot get over it. They dwell on the past more than a dumped nerdy high school boy. I do not want to come off unsympathetic and non-understanding of their past because I do. I just think that the way they cling onto what has happened is gluing them to what happened and not what they could create for the future. Also, the same thing is occurring with the culture the way they hold on to it is great. However, they hold on to every part, the good and the awful. Instead of working on the things they are struggling in the simply put them aside and say the bad things do not need to be changed because it is part of their culture.

Another thing I have become much more aware of is family. Though I have always considered family important, while my time here I am realizing it is more than just blood lines, it is only the actions that matter. When my dad was here with my host family and me it really showed me how true that all is. This was two different sides of me. My dad who is probably one of the people closest to me in the world and I can always count on to have my back, and accurately tick me off with an answer or opinion that I do not want to hear. Along with my host family, who has taken me in and treated me as a new member of the family. I have three sisters that I totally love just about as much as I love my brothers (a thing I thought I would never say) but it is true. By having the two parts together it allowed me to become closer to both sides of my family and it was great.

Host family, with my dad when we all went out to a nice dinner. We did not reserve a table so they ended up giving us a private room :) <3